Happy Easter Mom

Dear Mom,

I’ve started having nightmares again. It’s weird being 22 and not being able to sleep like I’m a kid again. Whenever I’d have bad dreams as a kid I would go sleep in between you and dad and you always said I kicked so much you couldn’t sleep. Whoops sorry. But hey, at least I slept and you had a slightly less irritable Lacey. 


Dad’s favorite story is how I used to climb out of my crib as a baby and so you guys bought one of those crib tents. To this day I remember that horrid tent. I also remember learning how to unzip the tent. Honestly, I think it’s my first memory. I hated that tent because it took away my freedoms, at least for the first 3 days until I learned to escape. 


I wish you were here when I have bad dreams now. They are so much worse than when I was a kid. They are no longer about monsters under the bed or crocodiles coming out of the sewers. They are about real life issues. Thursday night/Friday morning I had a dream that you survived your stroke and I went to pick you up from the hospital rather than picking up your belongings. 


Pretty deep for being a 22 year old who’s just trying to figure out life for herself. The dream felt so real and it made me sad to wake up because you weren’t there. Despite all these awful dreams/nightmares, I’ve been doing pretty well. Easter was this past weekend, and as you know, it’s my favorite holiday. I wore a cute pink dress and spent time outdoors with Lisa and family. Joey swung by after work and it was the perfect day. It made me miss the days when you’d hide the chocolate bunnies on the fireplace and I’d climb up the rocks to sneak a piece.


I wish you were here to experience it with us but I am glad that you’re no longer in pain. I often think about how life would be different if I had been able to pick you up from the hospital. After the initial stroke we had a bad feeling you wouldn’t be coming home. We thought you’d be in a live-in facility bettering yourself for a while and hoped you’d be able to come home. Unfortunately, life doesn’t always work out and it often finds ways of making the bad things worse. But the one thing I know is it gets better. You learn to appreciate the little things, value time together more, and reevaluate what’s truly important in your life. I can promise that nothing is better than that.


Happy Easter Mom,

Lacey







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